Chapters

What if you believed what you are walking through right now isn’t just for you?

The more stories I hear from people, the more I realize we MUST keep sharing them. The stories we are writing are ones that bring the world truth, healing and inspiration. Every chapter of your life is unto something, and yes, this includes the stories that are not so fun. I think we know this truth in hindsight — after walking through a trial, we can then see how it helped us and revealed more of ourselves, but it can be tough to see that while we are deep in the middle of it. Therefore, we find ourselves aching to be out of a specific chapter of our lives or to be in a specific season that has yet to arrive.

Last weekend, my roommate, Anna, and I embarked on a spontaneous trip to Salt Lake City to visit a friend. We saw the sights and ate the good food, but we all agreed our favorite part was the conversation we had on our last night together. We talked about some of the chapters of our life that closed before we felt ready, chapters we tried to end too soon and others that were just beginning. It was a raw and honest talk filled with hope and expectation for what was next. I left that conversation feeling inspired by my friends and struck at the idea that our chapters are pages in a story we are telling the world. These pages are for us to better understand ourselves, to fall deep into trust and to learn our Creator, but they were also doing all of those things for others as well every time we spoke them out. As I walk out of a very tough chapter of my life, I can’t help but reflect on my thankfulness for the doors that closed in the past. Because just when I thought I knew where I was going, I would find myself on an unexpected path. You know when you have your five-year plan completely figured out and know exactly where you’re headed? This next story is one of those moments that came with a twist.

During my junior year of college, I had the incredible opportunity to intern at an innovative and inspirational company. As a personal trainer and workout instructor, working for Nike was the DREAM. I wanted to serve a company that inspires people all over the world to move and love their bodies. I spent a summer working at Nike, learning about myself. I learned what I loved, and what I didn’t. Most of my days at Nike were spent behind a computer perfecting captions and marketing ideas for the newest pair of shoes. There was nothing wrong with my job, and what we were doing was important for our brand and our customers. However, by the end of the summer, I was warned that to ever advance at this company I would probably have to spend a couple of years doing the less exciting work, stuck behind a computer. Listen, I’ll be honest. I wasn’t good at inviting the Lord into these really exciting parts of my life and asking for His advice. No, I usually followed my own agenda, even if it was separate from the Lord’s.

I knew that I wouldn’t love spending two years doing things I wasn’t passionate about, but that cost felt worth what would come from the waiting. In my gut, I knew it wasn’t really what I wanted, but the thoughts of what idiot would turn down a job at Nike?, clouded my judgement. It felt like a no-brainer decision to just ride out the two years in order to eventually be doing something I enjoyed at a company I believed in. So I pushed my gut feelings aside and fought for a job after my internship. Here comes the part where I was unexpectedly — yet gently — guided in the opposite direction of where I thought my dream was.

During our last meeting, my boss, Mason, asked me what I wanted and, with half-hearted confidence, I voiced my desire to continue working for him and to stay on at Nike after I graduated college. He affirmed me and praised my accomplishments, leaving me feeling like my choice to stay at Nike was good and right! Then things took a turn. He began reminding me of what he had seen on my resume three months prior to this moment. The things I was really passionate about pursuing were the reasons why he chose me as his intern to begin with. He pointed out my other pursuits and told me there was so much more beyond Nike. He told me if this company was really where I wanted to be, he wouldn’t stop me from pursuing it. Then he ended with, “but I don’t think you want you to be here.” Although I was blindsided by his comment, I think Mason may have had more vision and insight for my life at that moment than I did. I thought this was it — working at Nike was the pinnacle of success. Yet, somehow, I became incredibly discontent with my decision to stay and felt permission to be that idiot who would leave Nike. I knew this company was the dream for many and that others would kill to be in my position, but I couldn’t shake the lingering feeling that it wasn’t for me.

There was temptation to walk away from that meeting feeling unqualified for the position and as though he was letting me down gently. Perhaps he didn’t think I was cut out for the job, and he was helping guide me somewhere else. But the life I chose to live instead of working at Nike is evidence to look at this moment as guidance and protection. I ended up choosing not to apply for the job and even though I had NO idea what was next, it just felt right. It was hard to decide that would no longer be my life and perhaps it wasn’t the ultimate dream, but when I look around at my life now, I am thankful. Thankful that I ended up where I did — and had I not allowed that door to close, the past four years of my life would have looked wildly different.

There are moments in my life when I have felt guided, fathered or mothered by someone. I usually don’t notice it right in the moment, but looking back, my life is strung together by moments like these. Although I still had the choice to apply for the job with Mason, I considered his guidance and thoughts, accepting that this chapter was coming to a close. I wish I could say I left with peace and had no anxiety that maybe I had made the wrong decision, but that wasn’t the case. I closed that chapter with sadness and doubt of where I might end up. I had to trust in God’s goodness and follow peace. I had to believe that even though I was letting something great go, the Lord had even better things ahead for me. My trust had to be so much louder than the fear that I found in the discomfort of the closed chapter.

I bet we all have stories like this. I bet you can look back and recall moments where people helped guide you, seeing things a little more clearly for your life than you do. Sometimes we need an outside perspective and gentle wakeup call to tell us what we truly want. Sometimes we need a reminder that what we feel like we are losing is actually the start of a really large gain. Even with guidance though, it’s not always easy to go a different route than you had planned, but when it feels right, it’s always worth it.

What if we viewed the “loss” in our life as opportunity? What if we saw closed doors as protection or redirection to other open doors just down the hall? What if, instead of viewing closed chapters as failure, we viewed them as possibilities for what’s next? What if we weren’t quick to fill the void space of a closed door with busyness, but we sat in the discomfort of closed doors and chapters only to find that its void led to something greater?

I am so thankful for people like Mason. Sometimes God’s direction is loud and clear all on its own, and other times it comes through relationships unexpectedly. Maybe the closing of that door doesn’t mean you had the wrong idea, perhaps there is just something better fitting for you. Your life is a story filled with many chapters and you cannot get to the next one without turning the page. Don’t be afraid to let a chapter end. Be relentless in your belief that things only get better, and be uncompromising in letting things go with trust.