Foe to Friend
“Girl, you’re not crazy”. I said as she continued to prepare dinner while I was fully laid out in my pajamas on her counter. My friend Bekah had a lot on her plate and was feeling all the emotions. She told me of the crying spells that would come on her out of nowhere or how she would have a level 10 emotion for a level 2 problem, you know the ones. I think it could have been easy to blame it on her being hormonal, sensitive or insecure about the future but it was more obvious to me that she was becoming more connected to her heart. She was able to feel, she was aware of what triggered her and she was starting to track down the roots as to why. She said she felt crazy because her emotions felt so out of control. Perhaps hormonal imbalances, lack of rest and too much on her plate were part of the issue, but when it comes to just writing it all off on that, I call BS. In that moment, she didn’t need to hear the facts, the practical things she could be doing better or how I could solve all of her problems. She needed to be seen; needed to be heard. That girl needed compassion. She needed to hear she wasn’t crazy, that this was tough and to know she was still doing a good job amidst it all. You see, I didn’t just tell her what she wanted to hear, I followed Love in that moment and He was holding her close and comforting her. I didn’t just want to make her feel good or make sure I coddled her so she wasn’t uncomfortable. No, I gave Bekah the truth, but this time, the truth came with a hug. Together, we found roots that were infesting her beliefs and we ripped them up. Then we laughed about our various crying spells and times they took place in broad daylight, like in front of people.
Fast forward 5 months, Bekah has less on her plate and is solely focused on the few things that mean the most to her, one of those including herself. It’s been so fun to watch Bekah choose to invest in herself in order to have a firm foundation for all the ways she will be contributing to the world. These are the parts of a relationship that are so rewarding. Getting to go on a journey with a friend and watch them transform right before your eyes. To get to support and encourage them where there is doubt and chaos and remind them who they are.
But relationships are WORK. You have to choose to put time and energy into getting to know a new person, learn to understand them, even on their worst days. It wasn’t always easy for Bekah and I to be friends and I definitely didn’t feel comfortable enough to be fully laid out on her counter in my pajamas at the start. It took two years for Bekah and I to get where we are, but it isn’t because we forced it or needed it to happen, we just chose each other. And then when it got hard, we chose each other again and then again. I see friendships as practice for what it is like to choose someone to do life with forever. You get to see the good and the bad and decide to choose them in the midst of it all.
So, who are you choosing?
How are you adding value to their life?
How are they contributing to your life?