He is not that helpful

He was very subtle in his ways but very influential. He felt familiar; I recognized him which made me think it was fine for him to be present. I believe he cared for me because he made me feel productive and successful. But it turns out that he came at a very high cost.

One day I found myself in the passenger’s seat of a car crying hard, silent tears as I cracked under the pressure of trying to be everything to everyone. I wanted others to think I had superpowers. I wanted to be seen as efficient, irreplaceable and as someone with a high capacity to get an extravagant amount of things done. I refused to let anyone down and I took on more than I could handle, ALL THE TIME. I could feel him trying to convince me to agree with him and to allow him in my life in order to continue to keep up this facade. But he was costing me my joy and sanity. That’s when I realized I had partnered with this and built a deep, unhealthy relationship with him.

Okay, his name was Anxiety, and it was time to break up. I pulled on anxiety as a tool to get stuff done but you can only pull on it for so long before it breaks you. Agreeing with anxiety looks like saying yes to its existence in your life by allowing it to be a motive to get things done. When things have to get done or be completed or when we feel like we have to be perceived a certain way all due to anxiousness, it has serious effects on our souls and our physical bodies. Sometimes it’s subtle and other times it really takes a toll on our daily life. Either way, not facing anxiety will lead to unhealthy patterns we will carry throughout every area of our life. There was a turning point, in which the anxiety in my life became so heavy that I wanted to quit everything I was doing in order to escape the feeling. I remember that moment in the car with my friends where I had a minor nervous breakdown. Anxiety can creep up on us in various forms, but I wanted to share what anxiety looked, felt and sounded like in my life. I realized sometimes even exposing anxiety by talking about it, caused it to lift and move away from me.

So let’s talk about that ruthless monster:

He Sounds Like:

• “People are counting on you, and if you don’t show up for people, you’ll no longer be seen as dependable. If you don’t do this, everything will fall apart.”
• “People won’t give you more if you don’t take care of this.”
• “Your success is up to you. You have to make this happen.”
• “You asked for this, so you better come through.”
• “You can’t let them down or else they won’t trust you again.”

He Looks Like:

• It will look like you care and are concerned if you’re busy and exhausted. Looking depleted for the sake of looking productive can appear like you really care.
• It will make you look productive and efficient. It will produce results, but usually at the cost of your sanity, energy and joy.
• Acne, unstable weight patterns, shaking, etc.

He feels like:

• Tightness in your chest or shoulders, making it difficult to catch your breath at times.
• Unable to sleep well; constant rushing thoughts.
• It does feel constructive but it is also paired with a high-stakes feeling, like being under pressure.
• Feels hard to focus or enjoy the present moment. Feels like if you “fail” that might be the end of the world.

The Lie: You’re just an anxious person. If you don’t use anxiety to get stuff done, you’ll fail and people will no longer see you as dependable or trustworthy. Your worth comes from being efficient, being able to execute, produce and get the job done. This will make you seen, noticed, and recognized — this will promote you or make you feel “needed” by others. Anxiety is simply just a helpful tool you’ve partnered with.

The Truth: Anxiety is not helpful. You can still be a boss at what you do without partnering with anxiety. You can instead tap into productivity, creativity and excitement to move forward on projects or tasks. When your motive is right and pure, it won’t feel heavy or burdensome, it will feel life-giving. You don’t need to make yourself seen or needed, the Lord will take care of that; He will promote you. You are already seen, valued and accepted, not for what you can produce, but for who you are. When you live from this truth, productivity and success will flow naturally from you.

What to do:

• CONSIDER the possibility of “failing”. When you feel anxiety rise up and attempt to take over, choose the opposite of the fear of failing. Don’t panic, lay it down. Take a deep breath and consider the worst that could happen if you didn’t follow through. Maybe you’d disappoint a few people, show up to a meeting with nothing to contribute or need to stretch a deadline. But really, what’s the worst that could happen?
• Once you’ve considered the possibility of the worst, how do you feel now? Usually that thing loses the power it had over you. Maybe now your motives have shifted and you’re no longer operating out of fear or anxiety, need of approval or anything else that feels high stakes. Maybe now you can look at the task at hand with a different motive. To serve the people in your world, to honor that deadline, to push a little further and see how much you’re capable of — these should always come out of desire, excitement and love. Nothing else.
• Clear your path of distractions. What are you doing and what do you not want to be doing? Maybe you have too much on your plate. What actually gives you life or, better yet, what has life on it? Do those things. Let go of things that were only giving you approval or acceptance or attention. In the long run, they’ll only burn you out.
• Rest. Maybe this one’s for you. Perhaps you’re just not ever giving yourself time to slow down, to process, to let your heart catch up with the rest of you. Unashamedly take that dang nap if that’s what you need.

The Why: In Luke 10:38–40, Martha is running around like a chicken with her head cut off. She wants Jesus to see that she cares by being stressed and out of breath. She is basically saying “Can’t you see how much I care by the sweat pouring off of me? By how hard I am trying?” All the while, Mary just sits there at Jesus’ feet in awe and wonder, taking in every moment with Him, listening to every word. She chose to serve Jesus in a different way: by being present and spending quality time with Him. She chose something better. She didn’t need to be recognized, seen or approved of. She already believed she was those things. She was already chosen. She didn’t have to work for that, she was able to give out of who she already was. Mary could confidently slow down because she knew who she was to this man and she was so hopeful in where she was headed. There was nothing to prove. She didn’t do what was “socially acceptable” or maybe what she “should” have done according to worldly standards. Instead, she did what Love was compelling her to do. She could hear Love clearly, because it was louder than anxiety, worry or need.