What to do When a Relationship Is Beyond Repair
First, let me rephrase that — perhaps this is what to do when a relationship is beyond YOUR repair. Have you ever just exhausted every relational tool and strategy you know and still can’t seem to “fix” the broken relationship?
To be totally transparent, I am right in the middle of one of those. A relationship that is near and dear to my heart, but so incredibly painful at the moment. I sit in the tension of feeling like there isn’t another hard conversation I could have, another apology I could make, or any more compassion I could conjure up on my own to make the situation better. I am hurt, I am exhausted and at times I feel defeated.
So what do we do when we have done everything we know?
We give up. Okay, I know what you’re thinking, dang Jamie that sounds incredibly pessimistic, but hear me out. I don’t mean to give up as in choosing to call it a loss and just attempt to forget about the pain and the joy this relationship brings you. No, I mean, surrender this relationship. Surrender your idea of repair; your idea of the perfect outcome and your ideal timeline.
Whether you’re so hurt, so exhausted, or just so out of options, lay it down. You can not conjure compassion and mercy on your own. These beautiful gifts lie inside of you, but when you are too weak to access them, that’s where God gets to come in. I get it, I love relationship tools and strategies; I can’t stop talking about the power of emotional health, but sometimes at the end of the day, we have to throw all of these out and let the Healer do His magic. We have to invite Him in to take over and allow His compassion, mercy, and truth to permeate our being. We do not have to clench our fists and strive to get there on our own, we do not have to read another book or get more advice, we only need to ask Him.
It is Love that heals the wounds of the suffering.
If you are not sitting in forgiveness yet, that’s okay. If you cannot connect to compassion, mercy, or believe the best about this person yet, that’s okay. If you are not there yet, that’s okay. Sit in it, feel it all, just don’t build a home there because it will crumble underneath you.
So what do you do?
Keep moving forward in your own life, and allow that level of forgiveness and compassion you need to meet you when you’re ready. Maybe it is chasing you down or maybe you will just subtly trip over it. For me, I will keep doing my part — allowing my wounds to be healed and continuing to get connected to myself so that no one has to pay the price of me walking around with a limp and a loaded gun looking for anyone who looks even remotely close to the original suspect who contributed to my limp.
Maybe that relationship will exist again or maybe it won’t. But what I do know is when I lay down my agenda or my need to fully understand it all, I miss out on what is taking place in me right now. If you don’t understand it all, that’s okay. Just know redemption and healing are always part of the plan, and you don’t have to make that happen, you just have to allow it.